Here’s the scoop

So, to fill you in on a little more info, here’s the scoop. When I fell and broke my pelvis in 2013 (yep, it’s been an insanely brutal few years), I had a severe allergic reaction to the pain medication, which made me hallucinate big-time. I’m talking birds were flying in the house, a man’s head rolled off his body. It was getting a little cray-cray here. The pain-meds also left me with a little love gift- ringing in my ears. While the hallucinations finally subsided, the ringing did not. Told by my general doctor that there was nothing he could to help with this condition, I went to USC Medical Center. That led to a series of tests, which led to discovering a lump in my throat that landed me on a table undergoing a CT scan of my head and neck. The lump was nothing, but what they did find was a few nodules. They said it was most likely nothing, leaving out the part that the were talking about my brain and not my neck. You can imagine my surprise when I went in for my follow MRI and it was of my brain. A week later I found myself in front of a neurosurgeon, perplexed and a little confused. “Do you know why you are here, “ the neurosurgeon asked. “Well, I thought this was an issue with my neck, but since I am with you I am guessing it’s got to do with my head.” He looked right at me and said,” Honey, you have a brain tumor.” I laughed, more out of shock than finding it funny.

Most would say they stumbled across it, but God doesn’t stumble, at least not my God.

Meet Bob

When I moved through my divorce, my desire was to just feel loved. Coming out of a relationship where I felt alone and not enough my request to the Lord was simple; “I just want to be loved.” Five years later I am thrilled to say that I am. I know what it’s like to feel loved – adored-like no other and it’s better than I ever imagined. I get what it’s like to move from the honeymoon phase and into being let down and disappointed, even devastated at times, only to slowly, very slowly, work together, moving towards one another creating a deeper love than you had at the beginning.

And I credit all of this loving, growing and stretching to Bob.

This blog is to introduce you to Bob and the impact he has had on my life. “What!!”, my friends would yell. “Why haven’t we met him? How dare you keep this secret!” Truth is while I wish he were a man, and a hunky one at that, he is not. He is a brain tumor. Yep. There it is. A brain tumor. Even the words make you just stop. They hang in the air with silence around them, don’t they?

Diagnosed in March of 2014 with a non-cancerous, slow growing meningioma, I have aptly decided to refer to him as Bob. Somehow it makes it all the more manageable. As a single mom of three and a full time student earning my masters in marriage and family therapy, Bob was unwelcome. Unless he was hot and loved the Lord, there was no room in my life for an unwelcome visitor. Yet there he was, challenging me, pushing me to make the most of my life, to make everyday count. While it’s been crazy hard, I have to admit he has made me a better person. So who was is that I talked of, who overwhelmed me with his love, disappointed Me and drew me close once again into something quiet, yet peaceful. Well, that was The Lord.

This blog is a space to share the pains that come with wrestling with Bob, talking with God,navigating the chaos of raising three children, balancing a full load of classes and the down right craziness that comes with dating- yes, dating- in the midst of this wild ride.

My prayer is that through our tears, our suffering, our grief, we may find joy. My hope for all on this journey through life that a garden may grow not once we pass through the desert, but right there, smack dab in the middle of it.

Here’s to the journey ahead