If you are married, I encourage you to keep reading, because you have single friends whose lives are not like yours. They need your understanding. They need you to take the time to learn what it is like to walk in their shoes- as a single woman- as a single mom.
Oh dear sisters, where to begin.
I have had a love-hate relationship with dating. I love the idea of getting a second chance to do this relationship thing again.I love meeting new people and getting dressed up. I love the rare dates where we click and connect, laughing together and swapping stories. I am absolutely crazy over kisses. It takes me back to being a teenager again, but without the clumpy body, poofy bang, and horrible acne. The few moments right before a first kiss are still so insanely thrilling and I love the hope that is there, that someday I might meet someone with whom I fit and it is good- really good.
I say all this and at the exact same time, I am cognizant of the fact that I truly detest the idea of dating. I hate that I invest time pursing this. I hate when I have blown a perfectly good evening on a lame date when I could have been sitting at home cuddled up with a good book or watching a romantic comedy that does not require the use of a single brain cell. I hate the moment you kiss someone and it’s horrible, just down-right awful, and you feel like you are going to gag.
So why not just be content in my singleness? I will pretend we are sipping coffees, you and I, analyzing our personal lives for like the umpteenth time, and you just blurted this out. Good question. I have asked myself this same thing. Why can’t I be content with being alone? I value who I am and the woman I have become. I am not looking to be rescued or need a man to feel complete.I mean, I have a pretty darn amazing life filled with hobbies I enjoy, work I find fascinating, and relationships that are rich and meaningful. Isn’t that enough? Shouldn’t it be? I have sat with this one. I really have. I talked about it with Karin and Nicole (my other bestie). I talked about it with God. I have shamed myself, argued with myself, and wrestled it out over the last few years and here is what I have come to.
I am content and desirous… at the same time.
Sisters, we all want to be someone’s favorite. We do. We all want to be someone’s favorite.
That doesn’t mean our lives are put on hold or that we can’t enjoy life right where we are, in this very moment. No! We continue to fill our lives with beauty and laughter.
That does’t mean we don’t trust God enough or that his love hasn’t sustained us. Certainly not! God created us to be filled with His love and with a longing to be known in this way. Isn’t that what we all want, to be known… to be loved… to be someone’s favorite?
So dear sisters, I will start to write about this, so expect a few more to come. In full transparency, the idea of writing about this topic makes me feel horribly nauseous and vulnerable. Nonetheless, it is needed. It is needed.