I am always surprised and amused to hear how I look through the eyes of my children.
I usually have some idea of what they will say, but this particular conversation left me speechless.
I picked up the kids from school on Thursday. Brooke was at volleyball practice so it was just Jake, Alex and I. I shared with them about the surprise celebration my class had planned earlier that morning. I rattled on, spelling out every detail. Jake was the first to jump in. “Did you save me a donut?” Seriously, son. Yeah, I have been carrying around a glazed twist all day, just for you.
Alex was quiet. She was thinking. “Mom, if I was there I would have stood up with Drew and told them what you are like, you know, since Bob became part of our family.” Oh, this could be good. “Well, what would you have said?”
“I would have said, ‘this is my mom and she is really silly and goofy and acts crazy most the time, and sometimes she gets mad, but most of the time she is a lot of fun.’ That’s what I would have told them” Oh sweetness. I love the simplicity of babes.
“Yeah,” Jake quipped, “I would have told them that you are a lot of fun and you act like you are drunk most of the time.”
Uh, come again- drunk?
“Drunk, really? I mean, I have never even been close to drunk around you guys.”
Jake thought for a second, “Wait, ‘around us.’Are you saying you’ve been drunk before?” Whoa. Mayday! Mayday! Abort mission! “Ah- no- I mean, yes- I mean… this is not what we are talking about right now.” Holy cow, how in the world did we end up at ‘Let’s discuss mom’s drinking life.’
“Gosh mom, you look so flustered.” Damn right, I’m flustered.
I took a deep breath… big smile… “Let’s try this again. I am just curious why you would describe me as acting like I am drunk.” Big smile again. Normalizing the situation. Totally normal.
“Well, usually in a movie someone who is drunk is laughing and dancing and running around. They do hilairous things that they usually wouldn’t do if they weren’t drunk. (Note to self, we need to have a family discussion about other events that transpire when one is drunk,) Mom, that’s you. You do things most people wouldn’t.” Ah… okay. I’m getting it. I see it.
“So, you see me as someone that doesn’t really care what people think and because of that I have the freedom to do fun and slightly bizarre things that most moms wouldn’t, like running through sprinklers or shaking hands with people that are homeless because I think they need touch.” “Yeah,” he nodded, “You know how you always ask for what you want, like in restaurants, because you always say the worst thing someone can say is ‘No’. You don’t’ really care what the person thinks about you for asking.” I kinda like this. So, that got me thinking…
Isn’t that what loving ourselves is all about?
When our filter- our fear- is down we can enjoy who we are….so God can enjoy who we are .
I love the idea of dancing just for him, singing knowing He is watching me, writing with him there. It’ s as if I can hear Him say, “Settle in dear one, get comfortable in your skin.Learn to see what I see”
Oh, sisters, we can be so unkind, so very unkind to ourselves. We banish ourselves away and present to the world a version of ‘us’ that we think others will like. We were made to be unique. We were made to be passionate. We were made to soar. What would it look like for us to act a little ‘drunk’ and to let our guard come down today?