Dear Bob

Well Bob,

I knew this day would come…

It hit me today that several days have passed and you were not there, not there crashing into my conversations- my dreams-on my life. I guess that is to be expected, that my thoughts of you would fade and that life would soon return to normal, and while you, dear Bob are starting to fade, life will never return to the way it was. It can’t. Continue reading

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What His love must be like

The gang and I spent Monday visiting our friends down in Bonsall, California.

It was a great time of trampoline jumping and swimming for the kids and coffee and catching up for us moms.

On the way home, the older two were working on some homework. Now, before you are too impressed with how studious my children are, let me add a dose of reality. The only reason that they were working quietly on their assignments is because I had bribed them to leave their electronics at home for the day.  Continue reading

Hurray for clean days!!!

I LOVE days like today.

The car is clean. Check. House is clean. Check. Fridge is stocked. Check. Laundry is done and put away. Check.Check.

And I feel amazing, like for one brief moment all is well in the universe. I skip around, so pleasant and happy.  I love clean, like really love clean.

It’s such a rare occurrence that everything is neat and tidy all at the same time, and I just want to yell Freeze! Nobody move. Don’t touch a thing. Continue reading

LOVE in all caps. Love deserves that.

My divorce was final in January 2011.

My biggest fear at that time was that I would have to wait. I was in so much pain that I just wanted to find something- someone- who was good. A fit. Just for me.

I used to beg God, Can you just let me know how long it’s going to be, so I can prepare myself. I mean, if I am going to be sixty, I am okay with that, I just need to know. Yeah, right. As if I would really be okay with being alone until I was sixty. Sometimes we just want to know. It’s the not knowing- the unknown- that is so terribly difficult. Continue reading

OMG… I think it’s a sign!

 

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Oh my gosh, you guys. I went for a  quick jog this morning and you will never believe what I stumbled across.

A new See’s Candy opening right smack dab in the middle of my run!!  (Most of you know my obsession with See’s)

I was so thrilled that I looped back around to snap a pic. I can’t believe it. I think it’s a sign. I need to eat more See’s!

Now, I can stop, grab a little treat  because sugar is greatly needed to boost your energy in the middle of the run, and keep going. I have no idea why I am so tickled about this, but it made my day! I think I even did a little scissor kick when I snapped the picture.

Dear sisters may we always find joy in the little things. Don’t let them pass you by! Loop back around. Take them in. Enjoy the moments that make your heart sing. However small, however silly….. give your heart space to sing. 

What if we made a habit of falling?

Oh it’s happening.

Yep, I can feel it. I’m falling. Totally falling.

Dropping off my youngest at school, I pulled into the roundabout, smothered her with kisses and out she popped, wiping my slobber off her face. I glanced down at my phone to see a text, “Good morning Sunshine. You are sooooo beautiful.” It was him. Aaaah, I squeal, bouncing up and down in my seat. I love this. I happened to glance out the window of my car just in time to see the school aide chuckling as she watched my little happy dance. I guess its not too often you see a grown women making odd noises while doing a little jig in her car. I drove away, with a keen sense that my feelings for him were growing.

Imagine you and I, curled up on the couch together, our knees tucked close against our bodies. I lay my head into my legs; I start to giggle as I peek my head out.

I think I kind of like this guy.

“This is fantastic,” you blurt out, reaching over and shaking me a little, “so why the hesitation.”

I quickly chime in, Oh, I know. I love it. I can’t tell you how sweet this time has been. I keep thanking God. Thanking him for how gentle I have been handled. Thanking him for the moment, however short or long this moment may be.

But, I point out, falling for someone means I can get hurt. Not that I’m going anywhere, but it’s kind of scary at times. Actually,  it’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

“Oooh, yeah, that makes sense,” you nod in agreement. (I love how you always agree with me)

And this got me thinking, dear sisters, isn’t that what falling is like? No matter what you are falling for- a person- a passion- your children- the Lord- there is the possibility of great joy and the fear of deep rejection, failure and hurt.

Some deem the risk too high and they avoid falling at all times. The cost is far too great.

And if that is the case, dear sisters…  if that is the case, I want you to know that I understand. I get it. I get the fear. But fear keeps us stuck. Oh, it feels like it is keeping us safe, but in reality, it just keeps us stuck. It… just… keeps… us… stuck.

Come. Come. An adventure awaits.

Oh what we miss when life is void of falling- jumping- leaping, being vulnerable, the risk of the heart, mind and soul. Isn’t this truly the only way to happiness, to freedom? There is freedom in falling.

There is freedom, dear sisters.

I wonder how different life would look if we did a little more falling and a little less controlling.

Falling. Taking risks. Letting God be God.

So, dear sisters, I am choosing to fall. Fall in love my children, engaging them right where they are at, not where I want them to be. Fall for this guy. Fall in love with my passion for Africa. Fall in love with my Lord.