What freedom looks like

We had a squabble the other day. Me and the little one.I was reinforcing my boundaries, the rules that have been established in our family, and she was fit to be tied. It was time to do her twenty minutes of reading and she did not feel like reading.

“I don’t understand why you have so many rules. I told  you I want to be a super model and they don’t need to be good readers” Seriously, this girl couldn’t’ have been raised under my roof, I thought to myself, I am seriously in for it with this one.

This is just the way our house works doll.  When she is this upset, it does NO good to try to reason with her. None. Zero.

She huffed and puffed, once again, before she firmly planted herself at the table. I sat down next to her as she found her page. She glanced my way, and stiffly scooted a few inches away from me.

I quietly leaned over whispering to her, You know, right now I set boundaries that I think will help you guys, but when you’re a mama you get to set your own rules. She looked up at me with a scowl on her face, but I pressed on; It’s kind of fun being an adult. You get to set your own rules and do whatever you want.When you feel like having a cookie for breakfast you can go grab a cookie for breakfast. “Really” she piped in, her eyes lighting up. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, as I jumped up to check on dinner.

My answer seemed to suffice for the time being, but I’ve been thinking about my response, thinking about all that comes with being an adult. Thinking about decisions I need to make. Thinking about what is best for my family.Thinking about the freedom that comes with being an adult. When’s the last time I had a cookie for breakfast?  It was a good reminded that there’s room for things that are silly and dumb and don’t make sense.

So, what did I do the other night when a  couple of my clients canceled and I ended up with a block of time with no children in the house? Well, at first I freaked out, cuz  I’m not used to having free time… and then I gave myself permission to NOT be productive.

What do I feel like doing? What would I really enjoy right now? wine? a movie? getting in some exercise after sitting all day? Yep, that all sounded so wonderful!

So I did just that- all of that. I was quite a sight, huffing and puffing- barefoot- on my treadmill, donning my sweats and a sloppy bun on my head. With one hand I held onto the laptop playing You’ve Got Mail, because no one is better than Meg Ryan on nights like this-the other hand, a nice glass of Malbec.

Oh my gosh, I loved this. It felt indulgent, like who drinks a glass of wine while walking barefoot on a treadmill. In a split second, it was like I was five again, doing whatever my heart desired….

and I soared inside.

I started to giggle to myself; If anyone could see me now…

 I laughed some more.

Total Fe-reak. Total. But I loved it. It was me.  

It’s the beauty that comes with being an adult! 

My little one reminded me that day; dear sisters, let us not forget to leave room to figure out what our hearts our longing for… and then do it! No matter, how silly or unpractical or illogical it is… let’s do it!!

Its how we love ourselves, dear sisters, it’s how we love ourselves.

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