It’ s been interesting going back to school at the age of 40. Even though it is a graduate program, I assumed that I would just keep to myself because most of these kids would be straight out of college and want very little to do with someone that had a decade, if not two, on them.
Boy, was I wrong. Dead wrong. Continue reading
I’ve decided that some of my most restful and reflective times are in the pockets. You know, the pockets of time in between work and kids and errands, those little moments between life.
They are the 10 minutes we wait in the drive-through line, picking our kids from school. The 5 minutes we are told it will take for a hot cheese pizza to finish baking. The brief moments in the car or walking from our desk to the bathroom or standing idly in line at Starbucks. Continue reading
Okay, maybe I don’t hate it. Maybe I just hate how it makes me feel.
I just spent $63.23 on two books that were lost and oodles of late fees. That’s right, $63.23, as in I could have bought a cute top or fed a kid in Africa for two whole months. Continue reading
Christmas has left the building….
December 26. Christmas decorations were packed and put away. It sounds weird even reading this. It seems wrong, almost sacrilegious, like I robbed Christmas of all its glory.
In our home, Christmas decorations are coming down as Valentines day paraphernalia is going up. The kids would usually start pressuring me; “Come on, Mom, take it down. I am sick of seeing it. You’re killing it.” But I wasn’t ready. I hated letting go of Christmas. Continue reading
I am not even sure how to start writing again.
Part of me wants to explain why I disappeared, why I haven’t written in over a month, but then I realized that I would only be doing that to make myself feel better. I would be trying to give an explanation- a justification- and why would I do that?
As I have mulled this over a bit, I came to the conclusion that we ALL do this from time to time. That when we feel that we have let others down or we didn’t do what we “should” have or “ought” to, we attempt to give excuses or justifications or reasons, but those reasons are really to ease our own thoughts, not others…. because if we were to really think about, most of the time others don’t really care, at least those who love us don’t. They are just ready to move on.
Sometimes I am struck by the fact that we allow others to love us better than we love ourselves. We feel that we have to justify and explain rather than allow ourselves to be… to- just- be.
No explanation needed.
So, in this light, there is no apology included. No reason given as to why I have chosen to stop writing. Rather, I am putting a loving arm around myself and continuing on.
Oh dear sisters, maybe we think too much. Maybe we think too much how others perceive us rather than how we perceive ourselves. May this be our journey this year, to learn how to care for ourselves. May we learn how to care for our hearts and in turn, may our hearts be better equipped to love well those around us.