Update on Bob

A quick recap. I met with my neurosurgeon last October and the news was good.  The radiation was effective and Bob had stopped growing.

I had another scan scheduled this past April. I wasn’t as afraid this time. I was settled. It’s funny how that happens when you have weathered enough storms; they don’t seem to rattle you as much. 

So, when the day came I was ready to walk through it. I met with the neurosurgeon immediately  after my MRI. He handed me his little iPad with the scan on it and pointed to a white dot on the side of my brain, “Well, it looks good. It’s not growing at all. This is the best case scenario.”

Uh, no. I have an idea of what the best case scenario looks like in my head and it doesn’t include a tumor still sitting in my brain. 

But it didn’t go away,  I questioned,  you said it should continue to shrink in size. 

“It didn’t shrink, but it didn’t grow which means it’s contained,” he explained, “This is great news.

Wait, so I am supposed to just live with this? 

“We only need to see you once a year and  you know what symptoms to watch for, so yes, you are.”

Hmph… that wasn’t half as comforting as I hoped it would be.

So here I was, forced to live with it- with him- and carry on like normal. And I didn’t like that. I didn’t.  I just wanted it gone, like as far away from my brain tissue as possible. It seemed unnatural to have to live with something that could threaten my very life, and yet…. that was my road I was being asked to walk.

And that got my thinking, dear sisters, of how many of us live with our own Bobs, something that makes us afraid, something that we wish would go away, that we could literally rip out of our lives,  but we are being asked to live with it.

Oh they may take on different forms (and names) but nonetheless there they are- a challenging spouse- a parent- a debt or difficult financial situation- the memory of a past abuse- a chronic illness. We all have our Bobs, do we not?

So here we are, dear sisters, all with our own little (or very big) Bobs and yet we are being asked to walk forward, to continue on. And my challenge to you, dear sisters, is will we let these define who we are? Will they become our identity? Will they be the thing that consumes our minds, that which we filter the world through or…

… or can we acknowledge them for what they are and look for more. Oh the life- the joy-  that lies outside of these tumors. It’s there, dear sisters. I know at times it seems impossible to see, but it is there!

Oh Bob, I hate that it appears I must continue to do life with you in tow, but nonetheless I will carry on. Pull up your big boy undies, Bob, we are moving on…

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2 thoughts on “Update on Bob

  1. Hi, Alisa! It’s Michelle (from last year’s counseling). Thanks so much for your blog. Two things I wanted to comment on. I wish we had had time to talk about your wanting to help missionaries who don’t seem to have anyone helping them. because Walt and I went through that painful experience, my heart is drawn to the same thing. I would love to see people who are so involved in such service be able to have a safe place to explore, and to find the truth of the pain that sometimes may lurk in those situations: pain of not getting along with co-workers, of having a marriage that isn’t working, of loneliness. Mostly I wish I could have had someone who could help me be honest. When Walt and I finally began to be honest, we had to leave the mission field. But I think we were not ready to talk and hear and open up. Actually, it’s taken the Lord over thirty years to show the beauty and the truth of all that happened. I know I can trust Him to keep working; after all, He is creating a masterpiece in us (I heard that somewhere…) and He knows what we need. But at the same time, I pray you will be able to bring a little joy and relief to others, and point them to the One who is working all things out in our lives.
    The other thing I wanted to comment on is the living with our “Bob.” I think God does not just want us to live in spite of, or around the bad things that keep going on in our lives, but it is even those very things that will change us and refine our character. It is through making room for that “Bob,” in waiting for God to reveal Himself, that we find Him so sufficient and our trust grows. I like a verse, Colossians 1: 11 Being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience… I think the time of patience and waiting IS our walk, it is one of the ends that God wants to accomplish in us.
    So I am waiting to hear all that God wants to do through you and in you while you are traveling. Love in Christ, Michelle

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    • Hi Michelle.
      Thank you for taking the time to write me:)
      On your first point. If you are ever interested in sharing more, about what you and Walt would have found helpful and what you believe is still needed, I would love to hear. I am passionate about this and am hungry to learn from those who have experienced this first hand.
      Second, I really appreciate what you said in response to what I wrote and you make a great point! I like the concept of “making room for that Bob”. Very well said. Please continue to write. I love hearing others’ perspectives. Please send my best to Walt as well. Take care, Alisa

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