Countdown to India and I am freaking out

So we are in the final stretch, dear sisters and misters.

This is it.

Five days until Brooke and I take off. 

And while I am completely thrilled and excited for the adventure that is yet to be had, I have to say there is this part of me doing a little dance inside.

Not the happy, good kind of dance, but the panicky one. You know, the one that you see little kids do when they are not quite sure whether they are going to make it to the bathroom.

That one.

The one we feel sometimes when we all of a sudden look at where we are headed and feel unqualified for the task ahead. What in the world was I thinking!!! (I know, irrational but it happens, right?)

I have been having this little dance and talk with God lately; Are you sure you got the right person? Are you checking out every area of my life… are you sure you chose well? I mean, I am not like crazy brilliant or seasoned, like at all. I love what I do, yes, but are you sure I can do all this?

So, I am jumping around a bit. Excited. Yes. Terrified. Heck yes.

But, I guess this is  the best place to be, dear sisters and misters. Because if I felt like I could do it all my own, I wouldn’t turn to Him whom I know has sent me here. If I was thinking, I so have this. Let’s rock this conference we are putting on, then I wouldn’t be listening as closely to his words and looking for his nudges.

You see, I wonder if this is exactly where He would call us to be- not completely qualified- not completely confident- being placed in a position where there are gaps that only He can fill.

Oh, I tend to prize brilliance, I really do, but I wonder in all of our brilliance and intelligence and striving and succeeding we leave no room for Him to show up… no room for him to be seen…. for how would we know how amazing our God is if we don’t leave space for Him.

I wonder how our lives would look different, dear sisters and misters, if we stepped into that which is a little uncomfortable, that which would require us to rely on our God to show up?

Oh, it feels totally risky,  but isn’t that why we believe in a real God? Isn’t that what the Bible is full of, stories of Him showing up?

It’s as if I can hear Him say, Oh dear one, leave space to see how great I am. Don’t just say it with your words, but leave room for me to work. For it is in these gaps that you will see a love you have never glimpsed before. It is in these gaps that you will see a hand work in a new way, a way that only I could orchestrate. It takes trust dear one.

It takes trust.

It takes understanding that I am a good God that loves his children and even when it looks like I am not loving or not good, I am asking you to trust that am- fully – wholly- wonderfully good. 

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