To my sister who is empty

I know I said I would share Musaed’s story on my next post, but I lied. Okay, I didn’t really lie. I started it and am working on it, but I need to write this first.

I was at the gym this morning, a wonderful place to be after having four straight days with my little team. I love them, like crazy love them, but don’t we all need breaks, dear sisters? And I, was in desperate need of a little sweaty time where I could just  stick on my music and not think. No thinking, just sweating.  After pushing myself as far as I could after a holiday weekend, I was walking out of the door and just found my body gravitating towards the sauna. I just hate when that happens, but there I went. I heard the voice in my head, ahhh, you have so much to do today! You don’t have time for this! 

Thank goodness I can negotiate with myself. Just ten minutes, that’s all I need,  I reasoned.

So, in I went. I was alone. I threw on my music and laid down on my bench and it was as if my imagination just ran wild. I was watching a movie play out in front of me… and as I watched it, singing quietly to the song that played… Christ alone, cornerstone, weak made strong in the saviors love. Through the storms he is Lord, Lord of all… small tears slipped down the side of my face. 

I didn’t dare open my eyes to see if anyone had walked it. But, it wouldn’t have mattered anyways. I wasn’t there. Phsycially, yes. But, mentally, I was so caught up in what I was watching….

So, dear sisters, this is what I saw..

I saw Jesus so near and there I was standing in front of him. I didn’t really say anything or do anything. I didn’t run towards him. I didn’t act all holy. I just stood there, but what wrecked me with emotion is that I watched him without hesitation draw me in, in such fullness. Full of emotion. Full of love. Full of joy… in such a way that I had a hard time comprehending how I had so suddenly gotten so close to him, enveloped in his arms. His closeness startling and overwhelming my senses.

And I could hear him, in my imagination, I could hear him…

Oh dear one, don’t think. Don’t think. I am here now. I am here. I am close.

Let me hold you and love you and nurse you back to health.

Let me tell you things that I could not tell you when you were far off.

No, I did not leave, but I was longing for this closeness. You were longing for this closeness. You see what you are longing for is right here in my arms.

And even when you hear that voice that wants to push me away, that voice that accuses me and tells you that I left, that tells you that I am the one that caused you so much pain, I want you to know that is not me. 

That is not who I am. Yes, there are times it feels that way, but stay close. Stay in my arms and let Me tell you how I see it. Let Me tell you what I saw.

You were not left alone. You were not left to fight by yourself.

You weren’t.

Just because you hear that in you thoughts- in your mind- that doesn’t mean it is true. 

Alisa… Child, let me speak to you.

Come, dear one, come  close so that you can feel me again.

Feel my love. Feel my warmth, the warmth of my breath against your face. Feel the strength of my arms.

Stay close, dear one. Stay close so that I can speak truth to you. I will gently whisper in your ear, telling you all that I see and who I am. 

Now, when I walked into the sauna, this is the last- the total last- thing that I anticipated seeing when I closed my eyes, but there He was, using my imagination to draw me close. Where He wants to. When He wants to.

And I could feel Him. His presence seeming to fill the entire sauna.

And I have to believe that this was not just for me. In fact, I am quite certain, that this is not just for me. That you, dear sister, are being spoken to, held, overwhelmed, loved by him in a new way today.

This is for you dear sister. Take out my name and put in  your own… these words- His words- are for you today.

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