Oh so much to say…
This trip has been remarkable. I have stories to tell. People met. Adventures had and yet…
this trip has something special about it. A sacredness.
As if my words would somehow taint what God is doing right now.
Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that, that your very words would perhaps ruin the moment? I think of when Aslan is walking through Narnia in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe series written by CS Lewis.
Oh when Aslan is on the move, there seems to be not a stirring. Not a talking. Silence. Like you can hear a breath just lingering in the air.
It is that kind of feeling… and I suddenly feel so very small.
I definitely feel that I am not at the center of the scene, a position we so often place ourselves. No. Not this time. In fact, I would gander to say I don’t feel like I am in the scene at all.
I know that God is using me while I am here, but this is different. This has very very little to do with me. Sometimes God has equipped up and we move forward and know He has crafted us in such a way that we are bringing our gifts- talents- to a situation.
But, that isn’t what this feels like.
Then there are times we collaborate with God, and that it awesome, like really awesome.We feel like a team with God, giving each other high fives; “That was so awesome,” he shrieks with delight, No, God that was so you too, I would exclaim.
But it’s not like that either.
Actually, what I am experiencing here is a little foreign to me. Because it has really nothing to do with me.
I know, I know our natural instinct is to argue back with someone who makes a statement like that, “No, no you are! You are an important piece here. You have been obedient, blah blah blah.”
And I get that, and normally, totally on board. But, not this time.
This time it’s about God- all God. . It’s about not even feeling his presence per se but knowing He is here and knowing that He is bringing his words and his power to his people and my presence and name don’t even feel relevant in the moment.
I have learned more about what it means to suffer because you follow Christ and not in a pretty, oh that’s so incredible, your such a hero, kind of way, but rather in a this is real and current and not going away and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, way.
And it’s real. And it’s holy.
And in the middle of such atrocities there is no room for me and I’m okay with that.
So, dear friends, while I continue on this journey I am not ready to write, but stories will come soon.
For now, please pray. We are headed back into the camps tomorrow, followed by a three-day trauma training with 300 pastors and church leaders inside the camp. The teaching will rest on my shoulders which I am trying to act so cool about, but I am like, beyond crazy excited, so please pray for the right words. The right tone. The right timing.
And pray for peace… for the people in South Sudan.