Well, that was a disaster…
I think it is safe to say that I literally did a face plant after returning home. I mean totally fell apart and the crazy thing is that I knew it was coming. Does that ever happen to you, like you know its coming and it still happens?
Through my travels I have learned that when I return home from a trip that is taxing and wonderful and crazy, like other world crazy, I struggle.
I struggle to feel significant.
I struggle wanting to be there, doing the work and at the same time wanting to be with my babes.
I struggle feeling the loneliness that is left after working with an incredible team and doing life with them.
So, this time I was going to beat it! It was going to be different this time.
Before I even left from Africa, I prepared myself, Alisa, you know this is coming. You need to leave time to adjust back to life here. You need to take care of yourself. You need… You need.
And I was ready. Haha, I thought, I am so going to lick this. I am going to rise above all of this! Life, I’ve got your number and I am going to overcome and surpass all the low points this time.
And you know what… it was possibly the worst reentry back into life I have ever had.
I did everything, like everything, I could do to care for myself.
Sitting with the Lord. Sleeping. Getting my roots colored (yes, this is crucial to my mental state). Journaling. Worshiping. Hiking.
And I went down. Like, Mayday! Mayday! I’m going down. I don’t think that I could have possibly cried more…
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever walked into a situation knowing it was going to be hard, and you prepared yourself and it still didn’t work? And all you could possibly do was continue to move through it?
Well then sisters, know you are not alone. It was a total and utter face plant.
Total. Like total.
And the more I continue to sit with the Lord and cry (yes, still a little weepy) the more I realize I had it all wrong.
Dear sisters, it wasn’t about doing it victoriously. I had the wrong image in my head. It wasn’t about making everything wonderful and bypassing the pain, it was about learning how to move through it and keep going.
How to put one foot in front of the other. How to draw friends (or your mom.. thank God for my mama) close to help us through. How to press into the Lord while my heart was aching. How to press… and then press again.
Funny how we think- we expect- life should not have any hard moments or face plants.
Oh dear sisters, may we learn how to move through these times… how to navigate them with grace- understanding- love for ourselves.