I caught myself today…
it was quite funny. I had just finished my workout and I had gone into the women’s restroom to umm, use it, and while I was in there my mind was just kinda wandering.
Does that ever happen? Like you are there, your body is there, but you are not? I hate it when I catch myself doing this, because usually I am so not there that I look like a half crazy woman having a conversion with absolutely no one. I hate that!
So I was gone. I went through the motions, my mind still working out some stuff that I was dealing with in therapy the day before.
Yes, I see a therapist. Because I have stuff, like messy stuff.
We all do….
and it’s so easy to either ignore it, to busy our sweet little selves to the point of exhaustion so that we don’t have to deal with it, or dress it up all nice and pretty and say to the world, This is my stuff, but I have overcome, because God forbid we have areas we still struggle. God forbid we have areas that are still really not pretty, still undone, still years later our same stinkin’ struggle.
And while yes, there are areas we may overcome, there is also yucky stuff that is still there.
So, there I was working through my muddy- yucky- not pretty stuff…
and all of a sudden it was like I came to. I had been standing in front of the mirror, washing my hands for a very long time. I hadn’t moved.
What am I doing? I know I had put my hands under the water, but what was the hold up?
I looked down and realized my hands were sitting under the soap. I was waiting for it to dispense itself, except it was a pump.
I quickly looked around cuz I felt like an idiot off in space, waiting for the soap to magically come squirting out.
I giggled to myself as I thought of how silly I looked to those that actually were washing their hands.
And then it hit me, dear sisters, that in order to work on ourselves we have to be willings to pump that soap out- like reach down- do the work- and pump it out.
Change doesn’t appear while we stand by idly waiting for it to happen.
Growth doesn’t dispense itself.
Sometimes I think that we come to the Lord, just like the soap dispenser, saying Lord, change me . Lord, make me whole, but we are not willing to partner with Him! We are not willing to reach down and start pushing the pump!!
I thought about the work I was doing on my own shit- yes, poop. If you are really honest with yourself, you would know at times (not always) but at times this is the only word to describe it because it is just plain poop.
And what I was doing…
… going to therapy
… talking with the Lord
… moving my body
… getting in community
was me pushing the pump. Working on keeping me clean. Healthy.
Once enlightened by this thought, I was so excited that I just kept pumping that soap out. Yes, I over soaped. (although I know that there are some of you germmmy freaks think you can never have too much soap. Oh, yeah, I know you)
So, dear sisters, what needs to happen in your lives?
This is YOUR TURN.
What do you need to do to grow?
What do you need to do to deal with the muddy mess you have been running from?
What push on that pump do you need to take today to move you one step towards yourself?