I have the privilege of sitting with a group of women. We meet every week. We talk about a simple story or truth from the bible, but mostly we support one another.
We cry. We give others space to cry.
We laugh. We give others the freedom to laugh.
We leave room to hear and be heard.
But, this week was special….
As I was preparing to share on John 15 about how He is the vine and we are the branches and about what it means to live and dwell in Him, I began to mold one of my points around this idea of dwelling-remaining- in Him.
So, then God, why don’t we stay in that place? Why does it feel so hard to remain in this place of living intimately with you? I mean, I know it’s what I want, to be close to you, but why do I feel myself pulling away sometimes? I don’t get that?
I sat with this idea this dichotemy, desire to draw near and resisting closeness at the same time. Why do I do that? Why do I sometimes feel like a hear a little voice that says, No… I don’t want to draw near. I don’t. I mean I do, but I don’t.
Let’s just be a little real here, dear sisters, we all have times we don’t.
And I began to leave room to explore this idea of why at times I don’t draw near.
And here is what I discovered:
There are times I don’t draw near because of who I think he is and how I think He will respond to me(even though this is my idea and not at all a true representation of who He is) aaaaaaaand….
there are also times that I don’t draw near because of me…
ME, dear sisters!
I was running away from ME!
Ahhhh, there it was.
This was new to me, this truth uncovered.
Sometimes I distance myself from the Lord and it’s not about him, it’s about me. It’s about not wanting to confront me. It’s about not wanting to take a real hard-brutally honest- open-eyed- look at myself because when I draw close to Him that’s what happens. It’s all laid bare. Naked. Open.
Join me here, dear sisters…
What we will discover in standing before Him?
Will we be able to bear the anguish and hurt that we carry?
A thought in our head often screams, Noooooo… you can not handle what you will find. The pain is too great. The anger is too much. Nooo don’t look. It will be too much.
Or we know what’s there. Oh yes, we are all too aware of what is there and dread the thought of facing it in His presence. So we run…
My challenge to you today, dear sisters, is simply this:
Why are you running dear sister? Is it Him or is it you that you are running from?
And if this is you… if this is you, hear His words to you today:
Child, I love you. I love you. I love you.
You can never even imagine how I love you. MY love for you isn’t what you expect. It isn’t. Come to me and let me explain how I love. COme to me and let me tell you- let me reassure you- that YOU WILL be okay. You will be just fine, dear one. It is not your voice that makes you fear. It is not my voice that makes you fear. There is one that is set on not wanting you to draw near me, knowing, KNOWING, that if you get close, that if you get a glimpse of my words, the softness, the tenderness in what I have to say, that you will never be the same.
There it is dear sisters.
Go to Him. Go to Him.
Let Him tell you who you are.
Let His words heal your weary soul today.