I am inspired to write a piece on dating after reading a FB blip by a friend of mine….
“Dating these days is just like being in a romantic comedy.
Minus the romance. Minus the comedy.”
If you are single or you have a friend that is single then I encourage you to read on.
And a quick side note here… we need to ask ourselves, dear sisters, do we have any single friends? Are we mixing’ it up a bit? Do we have friends of different races, sexual preferences, religions, relationship status, economic status? And I challenge you here, dear sisters, because who do we think that Jesus would have hung out with? What do we think heaven is going to look like?
Just a little nugget to chew on…
Now back to dating. Not just any old dating, but Christian dating.
Loooooord have mercy.
Sometimes I just want to write a handbook to these fellas or perhaps just a top ten list.
Maybe I will start with just five, but only if you promise to add to this, cuz I know you have stories and I know you have a voice that is just dying to have space to share with guys- gals- marrieds- unmarrieds what you have seen.
So, here it goes.
- We don’t like being put up on a pedestal.It’s slippery up there and lonely. Yep, we only fall off once you realize we are human just like everyone else. Hate to break it to you, but we’re messy. We are! Just because it sounds like we are amazing (which we are) and the work we do is very ‘christian- like’ please do not idealize us, making us into something we are definitely not. There have been times that a guy would talk about me in such a way that somewhere along the way I I began to think; wow… who is she? I want to meet her. She sounds incredible. She sounds fabulous… but that ain’t me!
- Marriage talk after a month isn’t really the brightest idea. You have only met my agent at that point. My agent… you know that part of me that is really good at talking up the good points and presenting all the best sides of me. She can sell the heck out of me. Give it time… learn what makes me cry. Learn what I get fed up about. Learn how I fight- how we fight. If you want to spend a life time with me, then take your time getting to know ALLLLL of me.
- On that same note. I have met some men that are so interested in getting married that I think they would propose off of good online profile. My point- you are in love with the idea of being married. This fantasy. This picture. This proof that you are definitely not the reason your wife divorced you or your marriage went south. Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you did have part. We all did, but it’s time to face the fact that you had some thing to do with the demise of your marriage, so get a therapist. Get to work. Work on who you are and what you contributed to your situation. Getting married is not going to make all your problems go away, because at the end of the day YOU…. YOU are still in the relationship.
- Let’s talk about Jesus… Lord have mercy, Jesus. My friend, Jesus is crazy about you. He loves you so very much, but he did not die on the cross to cover- to hide- all of the shit you have buried underneath. (and no I don’t use that word lightly, but trust me here, that is exactly what you some of you have brewing underneath and it’s leaking out!) His idea of love isn’t that you are so focused on him and impressing your mens group with your bible knowledge, that you can’t deal with all the hurt- confusion- anger- rage you have pushed down. Just in case you are wondering what this looks like, let me offer a real life example, You seem so angry when you talk about your ex-wife, like really angry. (note here, this guy was turning bright red, his face was all tense, and he had a pursed tight grin on his face) He shook his head hard, as if trying to convince himself; “No, God is good.” Ummmm, now you know, God can be good and you can be angry and furious and pissed off as all get out… just sayin.
- So where exactly is the fruit? Now, we don’t expect you to be perfect. Heck no, definitely don’t want that, that’s no fun at all. But, if there is no love coming out, if there is no serving, caring, something…. anything, then you need to ask yourself, is there anything going in? Going to church or attending a bible study means just about as much as a good resume. It’s a great piece and has it’s use, but if what’s in person doesn’t match whats on paper, then we need to start wondering…. where’s the fruit?
- I lied… I’m adding a sixth. Don’t forget, my friend to keep growing. Don’t give up. Keep working- growing- diving in. Sometimes you grab onto what you have and what you do to prove your self worth, but that, dear single christian man, is a mirage. Not always, but often richness on earth lead to a bankrupt life. Empty. Relationships. Empty. Connecting. Empty. Loving. Empty. Don’t let your success keep you from learning how to be a better friend- colleague- boyfriend-lover- father.
Do I sound a little jaded… I hope not. And I know that this is not all men. Yes, I know that well… but, can I just say in the most tender way, guys, isn’t this a good time to take a look and see maybe if some of this is describing you.
My hope is that single gals will sit back and sing out, Oh hallelujah, I am not alone!
My hope is that that single men who are wondering what in the heck they are doing wrong, can maybe try something new.
My hope is that those who are not single will get down on their knees and thank the Lord they are not. Just kidding… well, kind of. Okay, I’m not.
But, this is a chance for you to have those open discussions with your single friends. Ask them what their experiences are like. Ask they how you can support them in their dating life. Ask… Don’t be afraid to ask!
May this be encouragement to you dear sisters of mine. Be encouraged. You are not alone. We are in this club, ugh…. a club we never signed up for, but for better or worse, we are in this together.