Now most of the time, cookies and I have a healthy relationship. We banter. We chat. I tell them how yummy and wonderful they are, and they smile and say thank you.
End of story.
But, last night was one of those nights, things got a little out of control.
Last night I had to make 50 cookies, and we all know that along with baking comes tasting.
Tasting the dough. I mean you don’t want to go through all this trouble if the dough isn’t’ good, right?
And then you need to taste the baked cookie because now that you know the dough is insane and you hit it out the of the park, you need to make sure the baked cookie is equally as good.
So, I decided to be smart about it this time.
I made a nice large shake before hand. Ummm, yeah, who was I kidding. A shake, really? Sometimes, dear sisters, I am amazed at my own stupidity. I really am.
Alisa, I said to myself, taste just enough so that you can tell you didn’t forget anything and don’t get sucked into the cookie dough fog of scrumptiousness where you can’t see straight and you just keep going back for more. Let me remind you that your clothes are already tight, so let’s just be careful here.
I was kind to myself. I was mindful. I, mean I did everything right…
so, did I walk though this with amazing self-control?
I mean, in my defense, dear sisters, it was a really good batch… but that’s what I tell myself that EVERY TIME!!!!
Pinch after glorious pinch.
You know when you stop keeping track you are in trouble, not to mention the baked cookies that were broken, accidently and, ummm, non-accidently, and for sure couldn’t be packaged up. Pieces don’t count , right?
Sometimes my rationale astounds me, dear sisters.
Okay, you are done. We will start fresh tomorrow morning, I told myself, trying to already get excited about a fresh start. A new morning. A new beginning.
And I woke up this morning and what did I do… two cookies for breakfast.
(insert anguished eyes and mouth open here)
I’m so over myself right now.
And then I started to think…
cookie dough is really just like sin. I’m not kidding, hear me out here.
It taste so amazing and you just crave more and more of it and each bite reminds you why you keep going because it feels so stinkin’ good. And you totally get why you started tasting in the first place. And it’s not until the damage is done, where you have even gone and shocked yourself, going much further than you could ever imagine, that you feel the effects. Your sick to your stomach. Your mind tries to replay what just happened. You feel nauseous. Why did I do that? How did I end up here again?
Isn’t’ that just like our sin, dear sisters? Isn’t that what it feels like?
Oh, dear sisters, may we be reminded that we are to struggle on this earth.
May we be reminded that we are made from dust.
May we have kind eyes to see ourself as God does, full of grace and love and understanding…
and at the same time, to not give up striving for more…
striving for change…
striving to live differently.
May we learn how to hold both.