Christian dating and sex… Lord, have mercy!

Are you seriously going to write about this?

Yes… yes I am.

And let me tell you why.

Because it is not talked about. Not in our churches. Not among families. Not with friends, especially married Christian friends.

And on the occasion it is uncomfortably brought up, it is often a total fail, an utter disaster.  Down in smokes- disaster.  Oh heck no, they did not just say that. Don’t look up… just keep your eyes down. Maybe if I don’t move and pretend I didn’t hear them, they will change the subject. I need a glass of wine. 

Judgements are made clear either directly or indirectly. The message is obvious… No marriage. No sex. No tolerance.  And why, might I ask, is this always coming from someone who has no freaking idea of what it is like to be single or divorced and single once again. No freaking idea!!! 

 I can recount so many stories, my own and from other fellow singles , where church friends were so quick to make sure that we were not “living in sin” that they forget to ask about how we were doing or what we struggling with or what it must be like to be single after having been married for let’ say, oh I don’t know, 12 years.  

I have thought about this one quite a bit and prayed about what I was to share and I came to the conclusion that I think we have it all wrong…

We are focusing on the wrong issue. We are focusing on what the bible says about sex outside of marriage, the right and wrong of the event- the action, rather than the person.

It’s like a camera. We have focused our lens- our eyes- on SEX, in big bold letters, and the bigger we make those letters the more we lose sight of the person behind them.

And when you do that, dear christian sisters of mine, you miss the very thing that matters most. The very thing our Lord would encourage you to focus on… the heart.

The heart.

It’s the heart that is hurting- lonely- wounded.

It is the heart that causes one to seek out physical intimacy. It is the desire to feel connected and loved and cherished. And if we were to take a moment and place our eyes on the heart, I think we would see a very different picture.

A great rule of thumb to live by, If you haven’t walked in someone shoes, ask rather than judge. 

Ask rather than judge.

Show compassion instead of disappointment or disgust.

Let go of the drive for accountability for just a moment… just long enough to love. 

Imagine… just for a moment, imagine what it must be like to be in their shoes. Close your eyes. Let yourself feel the loneliness. The loss. The desire to be held.

Oh dear sisters, I think our Lord sounds so different from what we may think.

It’s as if He would  oh so gently beckon us:

Dear ones, come and let Me tell you what I see.

Let Me tell you where the hurt is and what the pain has caused.

You see, there is always a deep wound when pain has been present. It take time to heal those wounds and it it these wounds that often go unseen when other sisters and brothers only focus on what they see with their eyes.

In fact, there can be more damage done- deeper wounds- because of what is said and how they act in my name… in my name, when it is not like Me at all. 

Let Me tell you how I see sexuality and promiscuity. I see them differently.

There is a turn of the heart. There is.

It is there… and  if you look for it you will see it.

There is a turn from desiring to follow my ways, desiring Me and seeking to see Me, to wanting to please yourself.

There is a difference here, dear ones, because the one that is seeking and longing for Me will always return to Me even when he or she struggles and fails.

They will… they will always return to Me, where as the ones who only seeks to pleasure herself will not.

It is important to know, dear ones, that often only I can see the difference.

Only I can see which heart is turned towards Me and which is not.

So, when those around you are single, struggling, trying to navigate dating and sexuality and life, I ask you to give grace. Extend grace.

Grace doesn’t mean you are free to do as you will.

Grace means there is always room in my house when you return.

There is always room to come and sit at my feet.

There is never a moment  that you can not return.

There is never is a moment that I don’t have space for you.

I always do , dear one. I always do.





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