My Fight Song

I am having one of those days.

You  know, the kind where you feel like you are fighting.

Fighting for more. Fighting for purpose. Fighting for life. 

Of course, I had the song blaring this morning, which probably set the scene;

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

I had just dropped off my youngest  and was headed to a workout class timing it just perfectly. If I didn’t hit any lights I would have five minutes to spare!

But that wasn’t the case… that’s never the case. Not in my life

I got to the intersection and noticed quite a bit of commotion. There was an accident. I must have just missed it. A man was standing in the middle of a busy intersection, looking tall and in charge. He was on his phone calling the police. There was a young gal in the car clutching her chest and shaking a bit. I scanned the sidewalks and noticed a dozen of people or so watching. They watched but they stood afar…

And then I heard him. God.

As I slowly eased my car passed the scene… you want to make your life count. You are fighting for more. There it is. She’s alone. 

I thought of the girl sitting alone in the middle of the intersection.

But my class, I thought. Yes, I did. I thought that.

I’m just throwing it out there because its my humanness. We all have it, dear sisters.

It took me three blocks of listening to my fight song before I turned my car around and headed back to that intersection.

It took me three blocks to realize fighting for more in my life doesn’t look the way I want it to. It looks like am inconvenienced. It looks like it doesn’t make sense. It looks waaaay outside my comfort zone.

Did I mention outside my comfort zone? Like, whole different planet, outside my comfort zone.

I just drove. This is crazy, I thought to myself, shaking my head.   But, I kept driving.

Dear sister, when it doesn’t make sense, keep driving!!

When I made my way back to the scene, the crowd had now grown, but the girl in the middle of the intersection still sat alone.

What a perfect analogy of what life can be for so many… injured. Isolated. Alone. Surrounded by others, but hurting nonetheless.

So, I parked my car and ran into the middle of the intersection. Im my gym clothes. Feeling totally out of place.

I knelt beside her and started talking with her. She was shaking. I held her hand.

I’m so scared,  she whispered, holding tightly to me.

I know, it will be alright. The ambulance is on the way. 

We talked about her baby and her mom. We did deep slow breathing. (yes, it helps to be a therapist at times like this).

The ambulance eventually arrived and I slipped away and back into my car.

I drove in silence.

This is my fight song. Take back my life song. 

It played in my mind.

This was me… taking back my life.

Taking it back to be the kind of person I want to be.

I want to take action. I want to make a difference.

When I lay my head on the pillow each night, I want to rest knowing- not thinking- not guessing- KNOWING- that I made the most of my day.

There is no show in this, dear sisters. There is no, “look at me and what I did”.

I share this because I believe there is something inside each of us that feels we were made for more. It may look different than me, but its still there. Can you feel it?

Purpose. Strength. God.

For each time I do this, there is a time I miss, and that’s okay.

But, when I think about my life, when I feel the most alive, like really living, it is in moments like this.

Not planned…but timed perfectly.

Not desired…. but so fulfilling.

Cherish each day, dear sisters, grab hold of it and fight… fight for life.

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